Four weeks today I’ll be celebrating my 40th birthday and a week later will be strutting my stuff on a catwalk in front of hundreds of people at Cardiff’s City Hall. Both events seemed impossible to imagine when just over 7 years ago at the age of 32 I was diagnosed with breast cancer,in December 2002,on the day I moved from London to South Wales with my then-partner to start a new life.
It was supposed to be a new start after 10 years of frenetic life in the big city and we dreamed of a calmer pace of life. Instead I had to spend my first year in Wales having first a lumpectomy and lymph node removal, followed by a full mastectomy and then four months of chemotherapy. It all went by in a bit of blur to be honest.
My partner was with me every step of the way and held my hand through every painful chemotherapy session. We felt that the diagnosis had brought us closer and so we got married at the end of 2003 which was a happy end to what had been a turbulent year.
I was put on the drug Tamoxifen and came off it after 2 years in 2005 in order to try for a longed-for baby.
Unfortunately a tiny lump on my scar turned out to be a recurrence in March 2007 and a month of radiotherapy followed.
A routine scan in February 2008 revealed secondary cancer in both lungs and lymphatic system which we were told was not curable but intensive prolonged treatment could help to slow down the disease. My husband struggled to cope with this third diagnosis and sadly walked out in May 08 after I’d completed the first eight weeks of chemo. I went on to undergo nine months of aggressive treatment whilst dealing with unexpected divorce proceedings and someone who had been my rock over the past 11 years together turning into a stranger.
We’d started 2008 with an idyllic week in Florence and ended the year divorced. I don’t quite know how I coped – in a way the weekly enforced routine of the chemo kept me going in a strange way. I just had to get on with that and function as best I could. Luckily since November 2008 I have had 4 consecutive scans showing what they call “No Evidence of Disease”. It is likely to be dormant somewhere but at least is not showing active cancer at the moment.
I am learning to live for the moment and am focussing on celebrating life every day which helps me so much. I can only plan a few weeks in advance but having lots of little things to look forward to drives me on. I have gained so much self-confidence and am really looking forward to being pampered at the Breast Cancer Care fashion show and sharing the stage with 19 others who have shared similar experiences to me. I have been helped so much by the free support services of Breast Cancer Care over the past seven years and it feels good to give something back and help raise vital funds. I have made many cyber friends on their website and meet up with several women who also have a terminal diagnosis and this helps so much to not feel so alone. The Fashion Show feels to me like my chance to say “While I’m still here, I’ll celebrate every day and am delighted to be reaching 40 and while there’s life there’s hope!”
