In honour of Secondary Breast Cancer Awareness Day 13th October 2013

Yesterday was Secondary Breast Cancer Awareness Day! I was busy competing in a piano festival in Birmingham where I was thrilled to gain 3 2nd places, a 3rd and 2 4ths in an incredibly high standard competition despite fainting on arriving at my hotel and only just being able to put one foot in front of the other by the end of the competition!!

I've lost many friends this year alone (at least 20!) from this disease, have many friends on ongoing chemo and some making their final journey so today I'm struggling to find the right words so I've decided just to share with you the 500 words I was asked to write in honour of this day for Breast Cancer Care.

There are many people living with this illness and coping every day with the huge impact of this disease. Yes, there have been huge improvements and discoveries made in the past few years but there is still no cure and there are people not getting access to drugs that could help prolong their lives.Support for secondary breast cancer although getting better with charities such as Breast Cancer Care and Tenovus, is still generally very lacking.We can feel like we're invisible sometimes. I look well and like to be treated normally and live as full a life as I possibly can and in fact it's taken the shock of this disease to give me the courage to truly be myself and truly engage fully in life and take life fully by the horns but I know that every day could be my last and I never forget or am able to forget that!On the Pride of Britain Awards last week there were huge applause from the announcements that research is showing that within 15 years there will be dramatic steps forward in cancer treatment and discoveries towards a cure. That's great but will be too late for all those of us currently living with Secondary Breast Cancer - sounds brutal but we need cures now before our bodies get worn out from the years of toxic drugs in our systems. Since 2003 I've had just 2006 free of cancer treatment or drugs and I know that my brain has been damaged but I know I'm lucky to be still here but I'd like to envisage a future when secondary cancer is curable!
My writing for Breast Cancer Care follows below.

If someone told me 5 years ago that I would be sitting here being asked to describe my life with secondary breast cancer I would never have believed it! My marriage had abruptly ended through the stress of my 3^rd and now terminal diagnosis. I was on weekly chemo and had to rely on friends for support and being dragged through a most acrimonious and unexpected divorce and just felt there was little point to my life. I just couldn’t see a way forward and I was only 38.

It’s not been easy and it’s not happened overnight but I’ve learned to adapt to the uncertainty of terminal disease. I’ve been luckier than a lot of my friends with this disease in that since having 9 months of intensive weekly chemo and Avastin my regular scans have been showing stability since November 2008.

Cancer does affect my every day with umpteen side effects from the daily drugs and 3 monthly injections keeping me stable, but I refuse to let it prevent me from having the fullest life I possibly can for as long as I can. I have created a new and most enriching life for myself. I’ve rediscovered my love of music having previously practically given up my beloved piano due to sadness of the illness curbing my musical career. I have joined social clubs where I’ve made the most wonderful friends and it has helped me so much with self-confidence. I’ve found campaigning, fundraising and online and offline support groups so helpful and supportive and it has given me a purpose and something to be proud of.

I amazed myself by modelling in the first Breast Cancer Care Fashion Show in Cardiff a week after my 40^thbirthday and I was thrilled to have been successfully nominated to carry the Olympic Torch last year by Breast Cancer Care. Around 30 of my friends were there to support me and that was such an amazing day!

I enjoy having many short-term goals and events to look forward to. I have to listen to my body and I often have to change my schedule to adapt to how I am. I am lucky to be able to work from home albeit only a few hours and not enough to live on but it helps keep me motivated as I love teaching the piano.

In some ways being plunged into such a scary uncertain situation with my incurable illness has enabled me to feel fearless about most other things. The simplest things bring me so much pleasure. I just feel lucky to still be here. Whilst I have made a tremendous number of friends also living with secondary cancer the hardest thing to cope with is the loss of friends. Every loss feels part of oneself being lost as you know one day that will be you. Despite this I would tell anyone living with secondary cancer to never give up hope and try not to think too far ahead and that life can still be extremely enriching despite terminal illness.

Summer Singalong!

Where on earth does time go!! I've completely failed on my self-imposed challenge of regular blog writing over the last couple of months but I have been more than filling the time with many other amazing challenges.

I was thrilled that the Summer Singalong party I hosted in aid of Tenovus on 30th June, after having the idea on 2nd June at the Hay Festival after hearing Cerys Matthews launch her Singalong book, was a great success despite a very difficult week in the run-up to it when our online support group lost yet another lovely lady and I was very uncertain of numbers and feared it would be a disaster!

It was a lot of work on my own with the catering etc but as I was charging for entry I didn't want to accept help which was a probably a little naive. The wonderful Community Fundraisers at Tenovus,A&V were extremely supportive and printed out tickets,songwords and posters. I was not feeling at all well in the few days before it and stayed up late cooking the night before and was rushing around right up to guests arriving. I couldn't even get out for last minute things as a neighbour's relative had blocked me in by parking in front of my garage! I had to go up and down 3 lots of 20 odd steps at neighbours before I found out who it was and then there wasn't time to go anyway!!

I needn't have worried however,as 13 people came and it really turned into a most enjoyable and fun event and everybody seemed to really enter into the spirit and even the most nervous about singing all joined in with songs from What Shall we do with the Drunken Sailor to Edelweiss from the Sound of Music.I had some wonderful friends who arrived later and sing regularly and treated us to a lovely duet from Les Miserables and a fantastic solo. Thnaks so much J and D.I also played a little myself. My favourite piece at the moment is a wonderful virtuoso transcription of My Favourite Things Everybody seemed keen to have another similar event and I felt the singing really connected everyone and the food helped too!! I had a raffle too and was amazed that the total raised for the even was £200 which I was delighted with for such a small event and thanks so much to all who contributed as there were also contributions from people unable to attend. Despite feeling lousy right up to the event and all my hard work I really enjoyed the event and feel so blessed to have such wonderful and supportive in my life. It also helped me share my love of music.

I'd really like to do another one at Christmas time. There's something so uplifting about singing in a group! The fabulous work Tenovus have done setting up all the Sing for Life Choirs over the last 3 years has helped and continues to help support all those living with cancer and their supporters and give them something really positive and motivating to connect them with others in a similar position.

It's not too late to donate to my justgiving page in my challenge to raise £1000 by the Miss Heart of Wales Final on November 23rd. My challenges go on and I create more! More updates of my summer and latest news follow later!

My best and most loyal friend Bass!

I'm not feeling too great today. No energy,stress of various things and being too busy this week. So still lying in bed after midday I find solace in writing about my wonderful and really special companion,my beloved black labrador Bass who turned 10 on 17th May and I realise with May being so busy for me I forgot to post about the very special celebration we had for this special day.

I never had a dog growing up. We had cats and then only after my sister's nagging my mum and finally wearing her down! I know that my sister was very keen to have a dog and even bought a couple of dog collars - I remember when I was very young - but as mum and dad both worked fulltime and dad wasn't so fond of dogs it wasn't to be. I loved our cat Octavia we had when I was growing up who was affectionate but also independent and aloof as cats can be. I apparently loved our cat Fluffy, who was around when I was born, so much that I was caught trying to stuff her in my mouth when I was a baby!!

When my ex-partner and I were planning a great new life in Wales after 10 years of busy,gruelling London life had taken its toll a dog was high on our list - in fact it was a certainty. My ex had grown up with labradors and we both felt having a dog would really enhance our life and epitomize the more gentle idyllic countrylife we were envisaging for ourselves as we made the move in December 2002.

Sadly I was diagnosed with breast cancer the day I made the move - my ex had already been working in Cardiff for 6 months so life revolved round hospital and illness over the next few months.
However, we were both desperate to still get a puppy and felt that it would be a wonderful distraction from the cancer which was dominating our lives. We did our research and found a lovely family who were experienced breeders but a lovely home set-up in Gloucestershire. The litter of labradors was due in May and would be ready to pick up in early July which would coincide with the end of my chemotherapy treatment. We had requested a boy and really lucky to get Bass as when the litter was born 2 days early on 17th May 2003 there were 5 girls and 3 boys - we were 3rd in line for a boy - but sadly one of the boys died after a few days so we would have missed the boat but another family who had requested a boy dropped out!
When we arrived on a glorious day in July to pick our puppy we had the choice from the 2 boys. I chose Bass as he was the most curious and adventurous and so sweet!!
I remember that first day so well - he screamed like a young monkey nearly all the way back in the car and was promptly sick as soon as we arrived at my ex's mum's home. He then had a wondeful afternoon outside exploring her garden and curious at everything. He didn't understand that the water bowl wasn't for him to walk in an play in and was just so full of fun and playfulness and so small!
I chose his name to be Bass. We wanted a short - easy to shout name - his kennel name was Knocklee Acer and we wondered about Ace and then I came up with Bass (rhymes with Ace!)as a musical name and my ex played the double bass.
The first week we had him and my ex went off to work leaving me with this delightful but mischievous and highly curious puppy I thought we'd made a terrible mistake. There was I,pretty battered(mentally)and exhausted from 6 months of chemotherapy with this little ball of energy who was running me ragged as I was kept on my toes constantly removing anything dangerous or not his out of his sight. I had to physically hold him still on my lap to get him to nap which he needed but was so curious!! My husband would then come home from work and Bass would promptly fall asleep at his feet and he'd wonder what I was going on about!!!

The now 10 year old Bass has just come up and given me a big lick and prompts me to get going and take him on a walk as it's a beautfiul day today. I will come back another time and write more about this wonderful dog who really has saved me from the brink of really awful depression at times and feeling of hopelessness and inability to go on but I'm finding even the reminiscing about the blissful early days emotional.

Bass - you're amazing and more special to me than you'll ever know. I love you more than anything in the world. 

A joyous day at Hay!

On 2nd June I made my 3rd successive annual visit to the wonderful literary festival at Hay-on-Wye.
Although it took me 3 hours door-to door by public transport - driving would take just under 90 mins but can't manage that distance there and back these days - it was completely worthwhile and was a really memorable day!
The sun was shining all day which is a rarity at Hay and made the atmosphere all the more pleasant. This small market town full of second-hand bookshops is visited by thousands of people during the fortnight of the literary festival and yet the asmosphere is tranquil,calm but exciting with famous faces mixing with more ordinary folk! Locals throw open their gardens and homes serving tea and coffee more cheaply than inside the festival. There's a very friendly all-inclusive atmosphere at Hay and is just wonderful to see people lounging in garden chairs reading, adults reading to children and vice-verca,all sorts of talks,music and crafts going on and of course books everywhere!

I firstly went to visit my former head of music from secondary school in Grimsby,Mr Babb who is now 86 and retired to Hay 10 years ago. Mr Babb has been a huge inspiration in my life. To say he's quite a character is very much an understatement! He's always been quite a tour de force! In fact when I first met him aged 9 and still at primary school when he accompanied me for my Grade 1 piano I burst into tears as I found him rather intimidating!! He was and is hugely enthusiastic at fostering and encouraging musical talent in the young. Mr Babb always used to choose very ambitious pieces for both our school and youth orchestras. He was always very eccentric and fiery but we all adored him in spite of this! He believed in us and always inspired us on to make the very best of our talents even though we didn't always appreciate it or agree with him at the time! It was Mr Babb who suggested that I should swap from violin to viola after I'd passed my Grade 6 exam as he wanted to form a string quartet along with my 2 best friends J&C who also played the violin and E on the cello who was in the year below us. It was a good choice for me - I felt more an affinity with the lower sonoroties of the viola and playing in our Dolce Quartet was really great fun. Most of our rehearsals involved a great deal of laughter! I remember one rehearsal when I arrived drunk for the first time in my life at about 15!!!I'd been at my piano teacher's pupils concert and her husband had rather unwisely sent a crate of wine upstairs for the older pupils away from the parents downstairs so I was more than a little merry and had to go straight to our quartet rehearsal (luckily we were just doing it ourselves and no teacher was present!!)and I don't think we got a lot of work done that evening!!
Mr Babb was not great at keeping discipline in lessons but then could really explode when he wanted to! He introduced me to very mature repertoire from a young age for which I'm so grateful as I've just felt classical music was just normal and has always been part of my life. I remember the first time he played us Shostakovich's 8th String Quartet in our O level class which is extremely dissonant and quite raucous and warlike and we all just hated it and couldn't bear to listen to it but it eventually grew on me and I love it now.
I have many great memories of Youth Orchestra with Mr Babb and especially our tour to Germany in 1988 which was great fun.
After having a nostalgic couple of hours with Mr. Babb I went to the first event I'd booked at Hay which was an hour of First World War poetry beautifully and movingly read by Jeremy Irons,Sinead Cusack and a younger actor who wasn't billed in the programme and I couldn't catch his name but he was extremely convincing.These poems of Sassoon,Wilfred Owen,Rubert Brooke and many other poets I hadn't heard of are so poignant and evocative. It called to mind my father reading poetry to me when I was a child and I had a few tears!
As soon as I came out I was in the very long queue for the same theatre for the event I'd booked led by Cerys Matthews which was totally sold out and proved to be extremely inspiring and really joyous for me. She has brought out a new book which is a compilation of well-known songs from childhood and beyond and through the years encouraging the old fashioned singalong which we seem to have lost. She held the whole audience in the palm of her hands for the whole hour getting eveybody singing along enthusiastically to songs such as Oh my Darling Clenmentine,Let's go fly a Kite,Eviva Espana etc. It really took me back to my childhood and reminded me of the joy music has always brought to my life. There's something addictive and really joyful about singing in a big crowd - as if you're all speaking with one voice and all instantly connected whatever your age,nationality or background. I loved it and it made me feel really exhilirated.
I came home totally inspired and immediately made plans to host my own "Singalong" Event to further raise money for the Tenovus Cancer Charity as I suddenly remembered that their special project to celebrate this their 70th birthday year with the theme of "The Big Singalong" to encourage people to get together with friends or colleagues to sing together while raising money for this fantastic course.
My Summer Singalong is next Sunday and I'm already making plans and have several great raffle prizes and have chosen the songs from my treasured signed copy of Cerys's new book Hook,Line and Singer.
Exciting times!

To my Dad!

Mea Culpa and a thousand apologies as I failed to get 4 posts in May! Ultra busy and I was away for quite a bit of it but I will make up for it I promise!!

Today's been a day of tears and sadness partly due to over-tiredness and a throat infection and partly due to thinking of my wonderful Dad who is not here in person for me to wish a very Happy Father's Day so I'm giving him my personal tribute here.

Darling dad,
Although I had just 15 years with you they have filled me with enough happy memories,love and inspiration to last a lifetime and beyond. I have realised more in very recent years how alike you I feel I have become.
I have your ever-ready smile and zest for life,your love of young people and educating them and giving them experiences which will shape their futures.I have your love of planning and carrying out travel adventures and researching them to the enth degree!! I remember all the detail - in days before the household computer or internet - you put into planning our magical trip to Canada in 1981 - I smile as I remember during that trip  the day in New York when you came out of the hotel wearing a stetson and with your huge Minolta camera round your neck saying "I don't look like a tourist do I?"!!! As soon as we got to New York you took us on the Staten Island Ferry and took me on a huge rollercoaster on Coney Island which scared me half to death especially when about a second before the ride started a huge female staff member yelled at me "Missy,take off your glasses!!"
It was you I remember mostly reading my bedtime stories from being very tiny and the dffierent voices you'd put on for the different animals in the Just So Stories which was one of your favourites even though I found it a bit boyish at the time!You'd often make up your own stories which was my favourite thing. You'd sing me songs at bathtime like "Oh my Darling Clementine", "The Foggy,Foggy Dew" and "I am a Musicman!". You introduced me to poetry from an early age which I loved and continue to love. I assumed all fathers read poems to their children! We loved the funny ones especially of A.A Milne,Edward Lear,Spike Milligan and the cautionary tales of Hilaire Belloc. Jim was our top favourite and you were there for most of my recitation classes in competitive festivals from the age of 7 and always told me to speak clearly so that the deaf lady at the back could hear! I always looked for her but could never find her!!
It was good fun when you put me to bed for as well as the bathtime songs,bedtime poems and stories we'd often do the "Ministry of Funny Walks!" inspired by your and my brother's favourite tv programmes "Monty Python". You would have been to proud to hear many years after your death,your oldest grandson doing the famous "Dead Parrot" sketch brilliantly word for word at the age of 6!
It was you who actively encouraged my love of music and encouraged me to take piano lessons from the age of 8. I was very lucky that the piano was already in the household and both my brother and sister had also been taking lessons for several years. Dad never played an instrument or particularly sang(apart from singing to me at home!)but was a music afficianado and listened to a lot of classical music at home. I don't recall that you could read music but I do remember listening to  Beethoven's Seventh symphony with you whilst you were following the score. You also loved the music of Joan Baez,the New Seekers,Nana Mouskouri.
I remember early days of piano practice when I loved you to pretend to fall asleep if I played "Lullaby" softly enough and then to come alive with a bump when I played "Grandfathers Clock!" straight afterwards!
You had a full beard when I was about 4 and I used to love the feel of it and there was a bit that if I touched it made you hiccup and of course I'd keep doing it over and over - so whether it was just for my entertainment or not I'll never know!
When I went to France on my own at the tender age of 11 to stay in the huge chateau with my French penpal with her very scary mother it was you that wrote me several long letters in the fortnight I was there. You told me all about being in London for Prince Charles and Princess Diana's Wedding and what you had seen. You would have been amazed that I was later to be invited to walk behind Diana's coffin representing British Youth Opera along with other charities in 1997.
It was you who queued for over 2 hours for me to get me tickets to see Torvill and Dean skate in Grimsby. You came and joined the family skating club with me on a Sunday night in my early teens and we had great fun. It was you who queued with me for hours and hours to get standing tickets for the equivalent of £1 to see the ballet the Nutcracker on New Years Eve 1982 at Vienna State Opera House.
I had great fun acting alongside you in plays with CADs - Cleethorpes Amateur Dramatic Society and I always loved the aftershow parties you'd take me to from the age of about 12. You even laughed when some of the older teens had spiked my drink with cherry brandy! I remember at the same party spitting out what I'd thought was a grape which turned out to be an olive!! I avoided them for years after that only realising a few years ago that they're actually very tasty!! I loved the bubbly personalities and fun of the CADS members and from a very early age (6ish)remember being allowed downstairs for one of your Cinzano and lemonades at parties at our house. They probably had very little trace of Cinzano but I was none the wiser!
I remember you taking me and some friends to York for the day and having a great time. You were always there - always had time for all 3 of your children and other children as your days of Scout Leader and Youth club leaders showed. You very involved in the local church and helping publish the church Gazette and do the photography for it. Mum's local choir concerts were always a family affair - mum would be singing,you would be helping at front of house and I would be selling programmes and presenting bouquets at the end!

Lots of vivid memories of a very special father whom I remember every day.

Happy Fathers Day!
http://www.justgiving.com/Anne-Shingler2/eurl.axd/8f158799a6747e4fb082e6969278ffe8

Time is running away with me!!

Well it's the last day of May and I need to do 2 posts before tomorrow to keep up with the challgenges I've set myself!!
May has been extraordinarily busy for me but so enriching and life-enhancing.
Finally got home yesterday after 9 hours of travelling on the previous day from Sardinia to London with one of my classic but awful migraines complete with sickness and diarrohea and terrible head nt made much better by several screaming children on the flight back - am usually very sympathetic but I really wasn't in the mood that day as was very touch and go that I'd get out of the hotel as I'd been feeling so nauseous and worried about the hour coach journey to the airport. But - I made it and the people I was travelling with from the hotel were very kind and helpful.
I had the wonderfully warm welcome from my lovely Chiswick "family" and a comfortable night's sleep before winging my very tired way back to Wales by train yesterday.
After a much-needed sleep in the afternoon my beloved Bass (my black lab for newcomers to my blog!)was delivered back to me and was ecstatic to be back home and has been very clingy and cuddly since. He's more than well-looked after at the wonderful kennels and the owner gives him lots of extra cuddles but it's not quite the same as home and it's lovely to witness his joy of being home and with me!

I really got into reading on holiday and managed to demolish the Lionel Shriver book "So much for all That" in just under 2 days even though it was quite a harrowing and emotional read at times but so incredibly well-written and researched. Many things described about how people cope and react to terminal illness resonated strongly with my own experiences and how people you think you can read well can surprise you both in positive and negative ways. I'm sure we all are guilty of the "bury your head in the sand mentality" with things we find difficult to comprehend or are alien to us but when you're in the situation with only one endgame so to speak it becomes necessary to find a way through in spite of everything.

I'm now well over halfway through reading "The Life of Pi" which isn't on my reading challenge list but is one I've wanted to read for a long time. I never saw the film and I must watch it once I've read the book as I'm finding it absolutely riveting and very moving.

It was a surprisingly nice day today and I took Bass out for a lovely walk in the forest complete with my Kindle and Ipod and am determined to try and make more time for quiet times and reflection after I got so much out of a slower pace on holiday.

I must go and eat now and then am off to see the film "The Great Gatsby" and will write on what I thought of it later on! I bought myself the novel in Italian at the airport so am going to try and get through that as I'd really like to get as fluent as I can with my Italian as my confidence improved whilst on holiday and I really get a buzz out of communicating in a different language and making closer contact with a culture.

Ciao for now!

Happy Days!

Can't believe it's already 26th May and this is only my second entry this month!
Been so busy this month! Had amazing time competing over 6 days at Cheltenham Festival and meeting up with new and old friends there.
I was amazed to win 5 trophies(2 for piano and 3 for Speech recitation which I hadn't done for over 25 years and amazed my memory held up!!),4 second places (1 with the Outsanding category mark of 90 for piano recital of which I was most proud as was incredibly high standard)and 2 3rds.
Exhausting but well worth doing and had a really good time.

I'm writing this from a finally sunny Sardinia where I'm having a well-earned week's relaxing break. The weather's been rather windy,chilly and unsettled since I got here last Wednesday but is really beautiful today and I've had a lovely couple of hours this morning walking and sunbathing and discovering beautiful mostly deserted coves with velvet-like sand and totally clear waters.
Although I was a bit apprehensive of coming on my own for a beach holiday - as opposed to a hobby-type holiday or sight-seeing excursion tours when you can join a group I'm really having a great time and bestof both worlds. As it's an all-inclusive resort and low season there are mostly Brits staying here and always people around to chat to if you want that. The staff are all Italian and don't speak much English which suits me as I wanted to practise my Italian. The Young entertainment team are all lovely and full of life and Iàve been joining in with Zumba and dancing classes and not felt lonely at all.
I've been enjoying my space too and had a fab walk on a windy morning for 40 mins each way barefoot all the way on beach to the next little port listening and singing loudly to my ipod as not many people around as is low-season here.
I've been enjoying losing myself in my Kindle and have finished the second book in my reading challenge which was The Angel's Game by Carlos Ruiz Zafon which I'd highly recommend. It's a very mysterious and spooky story and I think men would like it equally as is a male protagonist and not at all light and fluffy!!
I've now started on the next book on my challenge which is on my Kindle which is "So much for all That" by Lionel Shriver (who wrote the highly rated but contraversial "We need to Talk about Kevin". "So much for all that" will also be a difficult read particularly for me as it's about a couple who go through the wife's devastating and sudden diagnosis of the awful cancer Mesethilioma (caused by asbestos)and the effect on their lives. I had a very dear friend who lived and died with this desease and of course talking about mortality and the impact of cancer is very close to home for me but I feel the need to face it all head on as that is how I cope best and am interested as to what Shriver has to say on the subject. It also deals with the highly contentious and current issue of health insurance in America.
I'm going to go back to relaxing and sunbathing now before the sun disappears!!
Ciao for now!!

Getting stuck in!

I can't believe it's already 5th May! Time seems to be going so fast at the moment which is a good thing in some ways in that I'm obviously enjoying myself and keeping motivated and positive.
I've been really pleased with not having been completely wiped out from the piano course last weekend. It's actually energised me mentally and I've been full of the joys this week especially with the lovely spring weather that's come our way at longlast!!
It's all systems go with my challenges! I'm off to Cheltenham this week to compete in 4 piano classes all in one day! I start with the first movement of Beethoven Sonata op.110 which is beautiful and I first takled in 1990 in my first year at music college when I didn't really have the technique or maturity to really get a proper handle on it so it's lovely to come back to it many years later!
The next class is a Bach class which is out of my comfort zone as I've always found Bach difficult to pull off but I'm playing Prelude and Fugue in G major from bk 2 and they are really lively and enjoyable to play.The next class is a Baroque class so more Bach and this time I'm tackling the 1st Partita in Bflat (complete without the minuets for timing issues)which I've surprised myself by how much I've liked learning it. It has 5 short movements in baroque dance style with different character to each one. The last movement which is a very lively Gigue is causing the most difficulties as there's a lot of crossed hands playing back and forth at a lively pace so it's easy to land on the wrong notes with all the physical arm moves going on!
The last class of that day will be the Open recital class which is challenging as you play 2 or more pieces in a programme up to 15 minutes. I'm playing 3 pieces I love and know well and have performed all them quite a bit before so I'm hoping this will help although I'm going to be tired by that point in the day! I'm going to be playing The Lark which was an original song by the Russian composer Glinka and was transcribed for piano by Balakirev and is heartbreakingly beautiful and expressive. I then will play Night Piece by Benjamin Britten which was commisioned in 1963 for the very first Leeds Piano competition as a set piece and was recently reinstated as such in last year's competition. It is haunting and evocative in mood. I then finished my programme with a fabulous,fun and virtuoso transcription by the British pianist/composer Stephen Hough of the song My Favourite Things from The Sound of Music by Rodgers and Hammerstein which is tricky but great fun to play and to listen to (hopefully!!)
I will then only have a day and half back home to prepare for another 3 days in Cheltenham with 6 speech and drama classes and a further 3 piano classes - if I'm not totally exhausted by then!!
I've pretty much got the 3 poems off pat from memory but it'll be interesting to see if nerves affect my concentration on the day as I've not memorised poems or recited for over 25 years and my memory and brain are not as reliable now. I'm really enjoying the poems though and hope that comes through.
I've had a very sociable week and am feeling so much better in myself at the moment which is good. I feel stronger and haven't had a migraine for a fortnight now which is good.
I've met up with lots of different friends this week and been out to see 2 excellent and interesting films: Trance - directed by Danny Boyle which I was really intrigued and impressed by and A Place Beyond the Pines starring Ryan Gosling and Bradley Cooper which was gripping and very interesting.
I'm trying to some Italian every day and the new book is really helping me revise things I've forgotten. I'm going to start the book The Angel's Game by Carlos Ruiz Zafon tonight. I read his first book Shadows of the Wind set in Barcelona which I absolutely adored and was such a pageturner so I'm hoping I enjoy this one as much.

Spring at last!

I'm feeling pleased with myself today. Firstly it's been a truly beautiful and warm spring day which has been long overdue and secondly because I'd expected to be exhausted today after my 4 very busy but enriching days in London. Instead I practically bounced out of bed before 9 (very rare indeed!)and went to be beautified or at least tidied up at the hairdressers followed by a relaxing half hour in my favourite local cafe. I then took Bass (my wonderful lab)out in the sunshine and while he ran and pranced around madly I was sitting on the grass mugging up on my Italian and feeling full of the joys of spring - literally! I also managed to fit in around 3 hours of practice,another dog walk,2 wash cycles and an hour and half of teaching which is a lot for me especially after a busy time. I'm also feeling a lot lighter and brighter in myself. Of course I could well wake up tomorrow and the tiredness really hit me as I often seem to get a delayed reaction but I'll just take what comes!

I also feel proud that I managed to not only survive but really enjoy the 3 day piano course even though I forget how exhausting London is!It took me an hour and quarter each way from my wonderful friends' house to the course each day and the course itself ran from 10-5 for 3 days which was a challenge for me. I managed to make sure I played in the mornings as after lunch I tended to aim to sit on the sofa at the back so I could drift off to sleep mainly unnoticed when I needed to!
There were 9 of us of varied but generally diploma level and above on the course. I knew 3 of the other students and the teacher already but the others were all lovely and it turned out that one lady was also from Grimsby originally like me and not only that but used to live literally round the corner from me whilst we were growing up and we went to the same primary school! It's a small world!
We would each take it in turns to play something and then get feedback and helpful hints on improving from the teacher and the other students. It was a very supportive class and we began each day with relaxation exercises in the garden of our teacher's lovely home. We had a lot of laughter and sharing and wonderful music during the 3 days and the course ended with us all playing in a concert attended by friends. I felt very honoured that I had 3 friends there and felt very supported and I enjoyed playing the Stephen Hough arrangement of My Favourite Things from The Sound of Music even if the purists perhaps might not have approved!
The best thing about all my stays in London are that I stay with the most wonderful family whom I've now known for almost 20 years since teaching their eldest daughter in my very first batch of pupils and going on to teach their younger daughter. I feel like family in their home and even their gorgeous dog helps me to miss mine a little less! I'm so blessed with my friends and it really does me so much good to be with people with whom I feel really able to be exactly myself.
I'm going to go to sleep contented now and hope tomorrow brings even more productivity but I'll take whatever comes my way!

Quick Update!

It is with horror that I realise tomorrow is the last day of April and I have 2 more (including this as one)blog posts to do before May arrives and I mustn't break any of my challenge pledges!
Therefore this will be a short post as I am exhausted but happy after 4 days in London on a piano course and my bed beckons plus cuddles with my lovely labrador who is ecstatic to be home from the kennels.

I am pleased to report that I've finished the first of the books I've pledged to read. It was Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie which tells the story of two sisters and their families in Nigeria during the Biafran/Nigerian civil war of 1967-70. It's a wonderfully written and moving and gripping read and I was sad to come to the end of it. You really end up caring for the characters so much and I had no idea about this war and what happened during that time in Nigeria.

I've now started reading Lume Lume, the Italian novel (in Italian)I pledged to read for my language challenge and am really enjoying it and although I haven't looked at my Italian for almost a year I'm finding I can understand it very well and don't need to look up as much as I had expected. It's a gentle whimsical story about a chap living in a very multicultural neighbourhood in Italy and trying to find the words to an old Romanian song called "Lume Lume" which means people and the world and he's searching for it's true meaning and encountering many different cultures on his doorstep and describing his neighbours' different ways of life of mixing their ethnic cultures with the Italian way of life.

Whilst in London I bought an intermediate level Italian book intended to push you to the next level and I'm enjoying revising and trying to improve my language skills. I really enjoy learning languages and trying to get more proficient and Italian is such a musical and lyrical language. It'll only be 24 days until I fly to Sardinia so I'd like to be able to express myself in a more naturally Italian way to try and blend in!!

I had a very enriching time in London on the Advanced piano course with old and new friends.
I will write about it in my next post tomorrow for the last one in April as now I really must get some sleep!

Getting stuck in amongst life's challenges!

I can't believe it's already 10 days since I last posted and pledged my seven challanges!
Life's had its ups and downs during that time. The small online support group for women with Stage 4 breast cancer to which I belong to has lost yet another member this week (8 since Christmas Day) and affairs of the heart have been affecting me.

I had a great long weekend of social frivolities last weekend with lovely friends and a great 70s night which was great fun. However, 4 consecutive days and nights of activity completely flawed me for most of this week and I've not been feeling very good emotionally. Tiredness plays a huge part in affecting my emotions and as the week as gone on my energy is showing signs of returning! I spent much of yesterday in bed with a migraine which has become my hallmark of my body showing it's rundown but am feeling a lot better today.

A friend mentioned after seeing my challenges that she thought they were rather ambitious and I must say seeing them in print I know what she means but her comment made me realise that actually anything other than the disease and treatment is easy really. The real challenge of coping every day with a terminal illness that can and will deteriorate any day is having the will power to make the most of every moment and to somehow try to handle the ever-present fear of dying. We all know we're going to die but most of us don't give it a second thought but being told you have Stage 4 cancer which will never be cured means it's like having a volcano inside you and never knowing when or what exactly will set it off. The drugs will help for a while and thankfully mine have worked amazingly well  for 4 and half years but no-one will be able to tell when and how they will stop working. No-one can take hope away and no-one can take away the determination I have to have an enriched purposeful life for as long as I have breath in my body!

Although a little daunted my all my challenges I also am enjoying embracing them as it helps so much to have goals and challenges. I have a lot of piano pieces to prepare for the Advanced piano course I'm going to in London next weekend and for the Cheltenham Festival but am thoroughly enjoying getting my teeth stuck in. I rather rashly decided only about 3 weeks ago to learn a new (to me - although I did learn it over 20 years ago!)Beethoven Sonata op.110 movement and 3 Poulenc Novelettes which are new to me in addition to preparing a complete Bach Partita (no1),Bach Prelude and Fugue XV bk2(for the musos!),Reflets dans l'Eau by Debussy (so beautiful but very tricky),Widmung by Schumann/Liszt,The Lark by Glinka/Balakirev,Night-piece by Britten and the fantastic arrangement of My Favourite Things from the Sound of Music by the amazing Stephen Hough. Preparation is going pretty well and I'm looking forward to getting further insight into the pieces at the piano course which will hopefully be fun as well as educational.

I've pretty much got the 2 poems and modern sonnet memorised but need to keep saying them aloud as I still have memory slips when concentration goes.I used to recite poetry a lot when I was younger but haven't memorised and recited poems for over 25 years! It was my dad who instilled in me a love of words and poetry particularly. I used to think every father read poems to their children. I used to love it and knew many poems by heart from about the age of 6 or 7. I used to love humourous poems best. My favourite was Jim by Hilaire Belloc - a cautionary tale about a boy who lets go of the hand of his nanny at a zoo and gets eaten by a lion!

I'm getting stuck into the reading challenge and am halfway through the book Half of a Yellow Sun about the civil war in Nigeria in the 1960s which is gripping and I'm really enjoying it. Hopefully I will cover more ground with it during my train journey to London and back at the weekend.

It's certainly keeping me busy and hopefully I will feel more buoyant this week!

I am thrilled to have already raised £220 on my Justgiving page for Tenovus.and really hoping to reach my target of £1000 by the Miss Heart of Wales final on 23rd November.

http://www.justgiving.com/Anne-Shingler2/eurl.axd/a5a61497dff68d4dbf58304d6498a4b7

My Seven Challenges to raise funds for the wonderful Welsh Cancer charity Tenovus!

I've somehow managed to gain automatic entry to the finals of the prestigious Miss Heart of Wales 2013 Beauty Pageant to be held in City Hall Cardiff on 23rd November 2013 at the grand old age of 43!It's not the usual Beauty Pageant but is more interested in finding inner as well as outer beauty and the Charity that all the finalists will be raising money for is the Welsh Cancer support charity which is very close to my heart and have helped me so much along my journey with cancer. I amazed myself by coming 2nd in the Miss Natural Beauty of Tenovus Pageant last year to find an ambassador for the charity and I loved every minute of it and made some wonderful friends!

However, November seems an awful long time away in relative terms of my life! I will have had another scan   by then and my life may have changed again.

In order to keep myself looking forward and keeping motivated I have decided to set myself 7 personal challenges using my own skills and interests for my fundraising for Tenovus leading up to the Pageant in November. I find that keeping myself busy and getting stuck into projects I enjoy doing really helps me cope with the uncertainty and challenges of living with terminal illness.

My challenges are the following: 1.Writing challenge - I promise to do at least 4 posts a month on my blog and will keep updating it with news of my challenges.

2.Musical challenge - to prepare 9 substantial piano pieces to compete in the Cheltenham Performing Arts Festival in May and to prepare for 6 classes in the Birmingham Music Festival in October.

3.Self-confidence challenge - to memorize 3 poems and 2 prepared readings to compete in Cheltenham in May

4.Language challenge - to dust up my Italian for my holiday in Sardinia at the end of May and to read an Italian novel I bought 2 years ago and never started!Also to learn some basic Greek both written and spoken for my course there in July.

5.Reading challenge - to read 6 substantial books some of which I've had unread for years! They are:The Angel's Game by Carlos Ruiz Zafon,A Suitable Boy by Vikram Seth,The Cellist of Sarajevo by Steven Galloway,So Much for all That by Lionel Shriver,Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie and Bring up the Bodies by Hilary Mantel.

6.Creative challenge - to do 2 mosaic projects I got given as a gift 3 years ago and haven't got round to doing.

7. Baking Challenge - to make and sell cupcakes during the summer holidays.

If anyone would like to sponsor me I have set up a JustGiving page at http://www.justgiving.com/Anne-Shingler2 or you can donate to me offline. Life is going to be busier than ever over the next few months! It's been a very tricky start to the year for me as I have lost 9 amazing women known to me from breast cancer since Christmas Day and I know several women extremely poorly and suffering with the disease at the moment. In February it was 5 years since I was given the news I had Stage 4 terminal breast cancer and that my life expectancy would be severely shortened.I remember that day like it was yesterday and yet at the same time it really seems a lifetime away as my life has been transformed and largely for the better. I feel truly at peace with myself and have the most amazing and ever-increasing circle of incredible friends and am experiencing life from a very different viewpoint and feel so grateful and happy to be having the experiences I am! As they said in Fiddler on the Roof "To life,to life,l'Chaim"!

My Olympic Summer 2012!

I feel I should be in Confession as it's been 7 months since my last blog!! Been busy living my life to the full at one moment and feeling too tired and poorly to do anything but sleep the next!

I had the most amazing summer of 2012. It was such an exciting time for the UK and the rest of the world with the incredibly successful Olympics in London which I'd never believed, since my secondary diagnosis,that I'd still be around to witness! Although I didn't have any tickets for events I was in London 3 times within 12 days  during the Olympics as I was lucky enough to be singing in 3 BBC Proms concerts in the Royal Albert Hall with the BBC Chorus and Orchestra of Wales. In July 2011 I was thrilled and surprised to be singing in my very first concert with the BBC Chorus in Verdi's Requiem at the Proms, so to be back again to be singing 3 Proms was just wonderful!
It was a tough physical feat for me (my own Olympics in my way!). We had very intensive rehearsals of all 3 big works from mid May onwards and there were times I thought I wouldn't get through it all.
I am fortunate that I have friends I stay with in London and so didn't have quite as much travelling back and forth between each Prom but I still had to be back in Wales for rehearsals of the next one so it was an incredibly busy fortnight during the performances. The atmosphere in London was electric and so warm and friendly! Was this really the same London I'd lived and worked in for 10 years a decade ago! On arriving at Paddington station the wonderful Gamesmakers were in full view and the station looked so welcoming. I was amazed that the tube was generally much less busy than usual as so many Londoners had got out of London. It was a truly celebratory atmosphere the whole of that fortnight. I had such a happy time. I'd go off from my friends' house in Chiswick to do each Prom and return to share and catch up on the Olympic news of the day with my friends. I had different friends at each Prom which was lovely. One of my closest friends brought her husband,2 young children and the grandparents and we all had a lovely time together in Kensington Gardens before the concert. I went to see the fantastic musical Matilda, met up with a lovely Swiss friend whom I hadn't seen since first meeting at a wonderful holistic holiday in Italy in 2010.
My special friend came down for my final Prom  on the final weekend of the Olympics. It was his first time at the Albert Hall and he was blown away by it as I am every time I go in there. We got up early the next day to go to the vantage point of St Pauls to see part of the Olympic Marathon and we saw the leaders all go by 3 times and it was fantastic to be part of such a happy atmosphere amongst people from all over the world.
That evening back at my friends' house we all watched the brilliant Olympic Closing ceremony and I reflected on what had been a wonderful fortnight - I'm running out of superlatives - and that back at my darkest times in 2008 I would never have dreamt of being part of such experiences.
I was shattered and it wasn't easy to get through the amount of standing required during the concerts but I felt such a sense of achievement and fulfillment at the end of it and to have been in London during such an important time for the whole world and to feel part of it. I have always felt that the most difficult thing about living with a terminal illness is the sense of isolation from the rest of the world and to feel you don't have much to give to the world but during that fortnight I felt very much part of the world and it felt good!!