Yesterday was Secondary Breast Cancer Awareness Day! I was busy competing in a piano festival in Birmingham where I was thrilled to gain 3 2nd places, a 3rd and 2 4ths in an incredibly high standard competition despite fainting on arriving at my hotel and only just being able to put one foot in front of the other by the end of the competition!!
I've lost many friends this year alone (at least 20!) from this disease, have many friends on ongoing chemo and some making their final journey so today I'm struggling to find the right words so I've decided just to share with you the 500 words I was asked to write in honour of this day for Breast Cancer Care.
There are many people living with this illness and coping every day with the huge impact of this disease. Yes, there have been huge improvements and discoveries made in the past few years but there is still no cure and there are people not getting access to drugs that could help prolong their lives.Support for secondary breast cancer although getting better with charities such as Breast Cancer Care and Tenovus, is still generally very lacking.We can feel like we're invisible sometimes. I look well and like to be treated normally and live as full a life as I possibly can and in fact it's taken the shock of this disease to give me the courage to truly be myself and truly engage fully in life and take life fully by the horns but I know that every day could be my last and I never forget or am able to forget that!On the Pride of Britain Awards last week there were huge applause from the announcements that research is showing that within 15 years there will be dramatic steps forward in cancer treatment and discoveries towards a cure. That's great but will be too late for all those of us currently living with Secondary Breast Cancer - sounds brutal but we need cures now before our bodies get worn out from the years of toxic drugs in our systems. Since 2003 I've had just 2006 free of cancer treatment or drugs and I know that my brain has been damaged but I know I'm lucky to be still here but I'd like to envisage a future when secondary cancer is curable!
My writing for Breast Cancer Care follows below.
I've lost many friends this year alone (at least 20!) from this disease, have many friends on ongoing chemo and some making their final journey so today I'm struggling to find the right words so I've decided just to share with you the 500 words I was asked to write in honour of this day for Breast Cancer Care.
There are many people living with this illness and coping every day with the huge impact of this disease. Yes, there have been huge improvements and discoveries made in the past few years but there is still no cure and there are people not getting access to drugs that could help prolong their lives.Support for secondary breast cancer although getting better with charities such as Breast Cancer Care and Tenovus, is still generally very lacking.We can feel like we're invisible sometimes. I look well and like to be treated normally and live as full a life as I possibly can and in fact it's taken the shock of this disease to give me the courage to truly be myself and truly engage fully in life and take life fully by the horns but I know that every day could be my last and I never forget or am able to forget that!On the Pride of Britain Awards last week there were huge applause from the announcements that research is showing that within 15 years there will be dramatic steps forward in cancer treatment and discoveries towards a cure. That's great but will be too late for all those of us currently living with Secondary Breast Cancer - sounds brutal but we need cures now before our bodies get worn out from the years of toxic drugs in our systems. Since 2003 I've had just 2006 free of cancer treatment or drugs and I know that my brain has been damaged but I know I'm lucky to be still here but I'd like to envisage a future when secondary cancer is curable!
My writing for Breast Cancer Care follows below.
If someone told me 5 years ago that I would be sitting here being asked to describe my life with secondary breast cancer I would never have believed it! My marriage had abruptly ended through the stress of my 3rd and now terminal diagnosis. I was on weekly chemo and had to rely on friends for support and being dragged through a most acrimonious and unexpected divorce and just felt there was little point to my life. I just couldn’t see a way forward and I was only 38.
It’s not been easy and it’s not happened overnight but I’ve learned to adapt to the uncertainty of terminal disease. I’ve been luckier than a lot of my friends with this disease in that since having 9 months of intensive weekly chemo and Avastin my regular scans have been showing stability since November 2008.
Cancer does affect my every day with umpteen side effects from the daily drugs and 3 monthly injections keeping me stable, but I refuse to let it prevent me from having the fullest life I possibly can for as long as I can. I have created a new and most enriching life for myself. I’ve rediscovered my love of music having previously practically given up my beloved piano due to sadness of the illness curbing my musical career. I have joined social clubs where I’ve made the most wonderful friends and it has helped me so much with self-confidence. I’ve found campaigning, fundraising and online and offline support groups so helpful and supportive and it has given me a purpose and something to be proud of.
I amazed myself by modelling in the first Breast Cancer Care Fashion Show in Cardiff a week after my 40thbirthday and I was thrilled to have been successfully nominated to carry the Olympic Torch last year by Breast Cancer Care. Around 30 of my friends were there to support me and that was such an amazing day!
I enjoy having many short-term goals and events to look forward to. I have to listen to my body and I often have to change my schedule to adapt to how I am. I am lucky to be able to work from home albeit only a few hours and not enough to live on but it helps keep me motivated as I love teaching the piano.
In some ways being plunged into such a scary uncertain situation with my incurable illness has enabled me to feel fearless about most other things. The simplest things bring me so much pleasure. I just feel lucky to still be here. Whilst I have made a tremendous number of friends also living with secondary cancer the hardest thing to cope with is the loss of friends. Every loss feels part of oneself being lost as you know one day that will be you. Despite this I would tell anyone living with secondary cancer to never give up hope and try not to think too far ahead and that life can still be extremely enriching despite terminal illness.
