Life after divorce!

Have been wondering for a while how to proceed with my blog now things have calmed down in my world after such a horrendously difficult past year.
I finally had some good news in February with the settlement at long last of finances with my now ex-husband and I am now the proud sole owner of the former marital home as it became referred to. I will never know what prompted my ex to do a massive u-turn just prior to the first hearing but am so relieved he did even though he struck me a huge body blow by trying to ask for full custody of our beloved dog who has remained with me in return for a good deal. Luckily in the eyes of the law the dog is not worth anything but to me he's priceless and it would have torn me apart to part with him as I'm sure my ex knows. I have been keen throughout for my ex to see the dog regularly and had arranged for him to have him once a month since he left but once I refused to part with the dog and never see him again as my ex wished, my ex then said he wanted nothing to do with the dog. This is very sad but his decision. I have always been mindful that it is likely the dog will outlive me, although I dearly hope this will not happen, and would have wanted the dog to go to my ex and his mother but now have to find a new home for him eventually. My latest challenge is to get the dog to settle with people he doesn't know as he's rather nervous and didn't settle at all when I tried him overnight in kennels last year. I've had a dog listener lady in and have had my dog castrated in the hope of calming him down and he does seem a lot better with people so I'm hoping I will eventually be able to leave him to able to go away.
The second bit of good news in February came with my latest scan since coming off chemo last November. It was scary waiting for the results as although the chemo had really worked while I was on it but this was the crucial scan 3 months with no chemo and it was showing that things are still stable and nothing active at the moment which is fantastic news. I know it is likely that the cancer will progress again at some point but trying to make the most of remaining off chemo for the time-being.
I expected to be euphoric and relieved after months of worry,fear and feeling awful but it's not quite so simple! I think I had a bit of delayed shock and was feeling very exhausted,tearful and depressed for a few weeks in March. I've been feeling gradually brighter and more energetic over the last fortnight so hopefully I'm on the way up again.
My life has just completely transformed over the last 12 months. This time last year I thought I was still happily married and was battling through chemo. Now I hardly recognise myself - literally - I'm over 2 stone heavier for a start - after years of being underweight and hardly putting on any it's all been piling on since last November - result of steroids and being thrust straight into the menopause courtesy of my hormone treatments. I guess when the divorce stufff was suddenly and dramatically settled in my favour and the news I'd remain off chemo I felt quite set adrift and unsure what my life was after so many months of battling for my life and stability!! My solicitor talked of a "fairytale ending" - well not from where I'm standing - I may have been surprised to get the house in its entirity and a small lump-sum to reduce the mortgage but I'm still unexpectedly single and have been totally let-down and betrayed and treated incredibly cruelly by people I completely loved and trusted and am still living with an illness which is likely to eventually kill me so forgive me if I don't agree to it being a fairytale!!!
I am working on creating a new life for myself. I've started going to a pottery class which I enjoy and have just joined a social, activity group which is exciting and I hope will improve my social life and help me to regain self-confidence.
I've joined a local support group too and have recently befriended severaly women also living with secondary breast cancer. Eight of us "cyber-friends" met up in Bristol in Feb and hope to do so again in May. They are amazing women and very positive despite poor health.
One of them phoned me last week and encouraged me to re-start my blog in the hope I might be able to help someone else going through advanced cancer. I never thought I'd be in this position of coping alone but I am and somehow I'm still here and feeling more positive by the day.
It's true that some days I feel like I'm 90! Every morning I wake up with intensely painful fingers and have to do a strange dance to plant my feet firmly on the floor and am bent double until I get downstairs and get moving! I'm stiff and awkward when I get up from a sitting or lying down and I wince when I have to put pressure on my right knee. This is due to the complete lack of oestrogen in my body due to the medication and as oestrogen feeds my cancer it is to deprive it of that and so hoping we can keep the cancer at bay for as long as possible so these side effects are a small price to pay!!
Am having a new kitchen seeing as going round the world is on hold! I'm taking the dog for a few days to the beautiful Pembrokeshire coast on Wednesday and a friend will be staying nearby and joining us whilst the kitchen is being fitted by my good builder friend Dave who has been a tower of strength. I've stayed in the same cottage a few times with my ex so it will be hard but I'm hoping to see it all with new eyes. It's very hard to come to terms with everything that's happened. I really don't know why I've been treated like I have - there was no call for it at all but I guess it can only make me stronger and more determined. I think fear can change people but it really felt like I was being kicked when I was at my very lowest and after my years of love a devotion it was unecessary and totally bewildering.
I don't want to dwell on the past and must try and forge ahead and just try and make the most of my good health at the moment.
I spent today,Easter Day, at a health spa in Cardiff with 3 strangers from the new social group I've joined but it was very relaxing and very nice. I managed to persuade the therapist at the spa that is was ok to give me the Indian Head Massage I'd booked despite having cancer. It's really hard explaining it to people - she said - "so you're on the way to recovery then?" - no apparently I'll never be "better" but hard to explain that I'm certainly not dying at the moment (as far as I know!). Had the same problem last week when I joined a ladies only gym with short workouts which seems just right for me and when I explained that I'd been having treatment for cancer the girl said "but you've had the all-clear now though" - no never will - also hard when you're tied into things for a few months - so hard for me to plan and could be back on chemo at any time but somehow life does go on and take shape.
Anyway - will try and post more now that I'm feeling a bit more positive! Onwards and upwards I hope!!